Tip for May 2, 2010; The Terrible 'Was', Part Two

"Get out the cannons!"
"Man the pages!"
"Smack the ink out of 'em!"

Such were the words that echoed through the computer as I mercilessly pounded the Wases out of my prologue yesterday.

"Fire inna hole!"
"SMASH!"


When the smoke and word pieces had cleared, I eyed my improved prologue. Leaning back, I casually did a word search of the word 'was'.

I sat up in alarm when the computer highlighted two Wases in my prologue. "How did those get there?"

I scrolled down a bit more, and my eyes widened in horror as I saw highlight after highlight... after highlight.

They were everywhere!

:)
I hoped you liked this partly fictionalized version of my editing yesterday... Okay, mostly fictionalized. But I did rewrite quite a bit of Wases out of my prologue yesterday. I did a word search for Was afterward, and saw two Wases, to my horror, in my prologue. When I scrolled more, there were a lot of Wases. I calculate that I had about a little less than a 1ooo Wases in my manuscript.

So, more ways today to get rid of those Wases and start 'showing'.

"There was a sharp blast of pain on his temple, and his head swam in agony."

So, how do I fix this? I need to find what the Was was pointing at. What is the 'was' pointing at? The pain, of course. So I need to show the pain. Here's how I did it;

"His head swam in agony as a sharp pain blasted his temple."

Much better. Here's another example;

"Hysas was the son of the Kalsi. The Kalsi was the governing official of Gess..."

The second sentence wasn't complete, just so you know. I would've combined it earlier if it wasn't already long. Anyway, let's work on the first Was.

Where is the Was pointing to? The son of the Kalsi. How do I show that Hysas was the son of the Kalsi? It's a little hard, as this is an explanatory paragraph, one of those important things that explain what things are in a new world.

Since I really can't convert the Was from the first sentence, I'll combine it with the second sentence, therefore eliminating the other Was into;

"Hysas was the son of the Kalsi, the governing official of Gess."

I really should've combined this earlier, but I must have overlooked it. Anyway, I add a "Being the son of the Kalsi," to the next sentence to make it complete. And so I eliminated a Was.

~~~

On a completely different subject, my poll (on favorite authors) has finally finished with great results. Here's the results of "Which of these is your MOST favorite author?" (32 votes);



1)
'How in the world do you expect me to PICK?!?' finished (not surprisingly) with 31% in first place. I had expected it to win, but not by the narrow margin it did.


2)
Here's a surprise second place; 'Wayne Thomas Batson' had gotten several more votes, shooting it up to second place with 21%. Some people really like WTB! Any of those people out there?


3)
Here's the only tie; 'C. S. Lewis' and 'Bryan Davis'. Davis shot up near the end, while CSL was the opposite; he had a strong lead in the beginning before he fell behind.


4)
'J. R. R. Tolkien' was one of the ones that caught a late rush. Unfortunately for you LOTR fans, his 'Road' didn't actually go on and on; he settled for fourth. :)


5)
Not very close to the others, Brian Jacques (author of Redwall) ended up with only one vote; 3%.


6)
And last, but not least, came CP, Christopher Hopper. Love his books, but he's not my MOST favorite... 0% of the vote. Can you guess how many votes he had? :)


Okay, time to tell what I voted... (*drumroll*)

I voted "How in the world do you expect me to pick??" Not surprisingly. But I love pretty much all the authors up there (or at least most), so it was an obvious choice.


Well, that was interesting while it lasted. What's your opinion on the results?


And while I'm on the subject of polls, please vote on my poll on what to blog next (in the upper lefthand corner of the blog on the sidebar). I need a tie-breaker!

Tip for April 29, 2010; The Terrible 'Was', and the Prepositional Ending

This post is mostly all about the 'was' and how to get rid of it. I'll tell you about the prepositions in a minute.

I was editing along today on my novel (the first one), when I suddenly spotted 'was'. Seven times... In my prologue alone. As you might imagine, I was horrified. How had the Wases infiltrated my precious refuge?

It's easy to use them. In fact, I used it unknowingly just a few seconds ago. See? 'I was horrified'. It even infiltrates the blog!

I took out the sword of 'delete', and struck at the enemy. To my astonishment, it showed up in the improved sentence. Here's how it happened;

The sentence, 'His plan was in effect, and there would soon be no one able to stop him.' was the one I was trying to fix. The typical doom and destruction from a villain. Anyway, I tried changing it to this; 'His plan was now being put into action, and there would be no one to stop him.' I sat back, pleased. Until I spotted the 'was' again. How did that get in there? So I changed it. ' His plans would soon be fufilled, and then there would be no one to stop him from acheiving his goal; the throne.'

Not only did I defeat the Was, but I also added clarity to the sentence. And it sounds much more sinister.

I proceeded to destroy five other Wases in quick succession. But then I came to one sentence that stumped me and left me frustrated and speechless.

'The night watchman was asleep by a table, a drugged ale by his hand, oblivious that a terrible thing was about to happen.' In all respects, it sounded fine. But it was 'showing'. You know the writing phrase; "Show, don't tell." When I use Was, it's telling. I need to 'show'.

Back to the sentence. I couldn't think of anything to replace it. I toyed with 'The night watchman was oblivious to the terrible thing about to happen; he was asleep, with a drugged ale in his hand.', but it used Was again.

Finally, I managed rewrote the entire paragraph, turning it into the following;

"They reached the palace doors, and the man noiselessly let the in others. The night watchman lay fast asleep at the small table, a drugged ale by his hand. His face rested on the rough wood, his eyes closed, oblivious to the terrible thing about to happen."

Wonderful. And it 'shows' a little better.

Anyway, to the prepositions.

One of the common mistakes in writing is ending in a preposition; in, of, to, before, etc.

'He let the men in.'

It's really quite simple to solve, though. Simply take the preposition, and put it in somewhere else.

'He let in the men.'

One of the reasons I posted on prepositions is that I first learned of this mistake through one of Donita K. Paul's books; The Vanishing Sculptor.

Wizard Fenworth was arguing with Librettowit (again), and Librettowit ended in a preposition on one of his sentences. Of course, Fenworth had to correct him... Anyway, that was rather random. :)

If you haven't voted on the 'What should I post next?' poll, please do. There's a three way tie going on, and I need someone to break it. :D