Thursday, April 21, 2011

Ineffective Writer's Syndrome

This week, literologists in Kansas City, Kansas, made a breakthrough in a devastating virus strain known to them only as IWS: Ineffective Writer's Syndrome.  They believe they might have found the internal causes.  Uniquely, the IWS manifests itself in different symptoms, and each symptom must be treated differently.

I found this list of symptoms and cures on the IWS site and thought it may help for those of you who may have a temporary case of the IWS.  Please see your literary doctor before making a decision to use IWS cures or any decisions regarding IWS.  IWS is a serious disease that may end up crippling you for life, so act now to stop it, before it is too late.


Some Common Symptoms:
-Procrastination
-Bad quality writing
-Stubborn characters
-Stubborn plot
-Lack of time
-Frustration issues
-Lack of writing
-Lack of originality

Some Suggested Cures:
(These recommendations have been tested by the IWS Committee of Writers.  While they are reasonably accurate, we cannot guarantee full recovery or effectiveness.)
-More sleep
-Read more
-Write more often
-Brainstorming
-Cutting
-Rewriting
-Make time to write each day

IWSCW Cures may produce side effects, such as sleepless nights, unproductive schooldays, lack of desire for social activity, literary madness, abandon, and dreaminess.  IWSCW Cures contain such ingredients such as Imagination, so it is not for those with VGAS (Video Game Addiction Syndrome) or similar illnesses.  or IWSCW is not liable for such side effects and cannot be held responsible.

(Note: Normal post coming soon. ;)  Hang in there!)

14 comments:

Squeaks said...

Lol, loved it Jake! Awesome sauce, although that suggestion of 'cutting' made me do a double take...I thought you meant the "bad" kind of cutting at first but then I realized you meant the cut-and-paste kinda cutting you do in a word document XD silly me :P

Very imaginative concept though, I like the idea. I think I have IWSCW, I shall attempt the cures you have placed since my literary doctor has given me the go ahead. My characters are not too thrilled but I don't mind them since they're all knocked out on the floor right now, moaning and groaning with the latest development of Lack-of-Inspiration Virus (LIV). Pity. Hopefully they won't die on me.

Signed with a pen,

Squeaks.

Jake said...

Haha, gotcha. ;) Aye, pushing the delete button on Word. :|

*nod* Be careful for those side effects. ;) I've experienced some of them. (OO)

A.W. said...

Aha, that's awesome! You made that up yourself? Nice, nice.

--A.W.

Eldra said...

Ugh! I was wondering why my writing was suffering from pure unimaginativeness. (Is that a word?) The past couple of days have been pure torture, both in terms of my writing, and the way I'm treating my characters because of it. (Poor characters...) We have a guest coming for the next couple of days, which means I won't be able to write nearly as much as I want to. Maybe I'll get some extra sleep in, though. That would be cool.

The Director said...

Jake... not to be weird, but I would give you a REALLY big hug right now if I could *sends a hug from Oregon*. Seriously. I needed this post very much badly :P (Can't you tell? -_-)

I definitely have ALL the symptoms. And I bet I need all the cures. (I basically moaned&groaned&did a headdesk when I read the first cure. Yeah. Sleep? What's that you speak of? (OO)

Oh, and hilariously enough, I *never* play video games, but I was seriously wanting a new game to play for the past week. I find the fantasy-world-themed games, when administered in miniscule doses, aids the stroytelling process for moi :P

Anyway, thank you for a SERIOUSLY much-needed kick in the pants :D

Signed with a very dull/smoldering pen,
TD

Joryn said...

Wow, I agree with The Director, I seriously needed this post! Thanks!

Cosette said...

Haha, absolutely loved this! Thanks!

Though I do agree with the Director... Sleep? D:

Camerie Ann said...

Haha I love it Jake! You mind if I post it on my blog? I'll say of course all credit goes to Jake of the Saadar :)

Jake said...

@Eldra
Get the sleep. You can't write anything good on six hours of sleep--I've tried. :)

@Director
Er...you're welcome? O_o

@Joryn
No problem! :) Thank you for stopping by!

@Cosette
I know, sleep. It's foreign propaganda. BUT--it works. :O

Sure, Camerie! Make sure to mention that it was originally on Teenage Writer and that it was reposted. :)

Eldra said...

It's not that I get six hours of sleep -- I just don't go to bed until sometimes two. But I'm rarely up before 9:30 anyway, so it's not like it really matters.

Actually, that's not true. It's said that your best sleep before midnight. And I haven't fallen asleep before midnight in many, many months. Maybe that's the issue.

Pathfinder said...

I usually do my best writing at 11PM-1AM, when I'm wide awake. Then I have to get up at 6:30. fun.

Jake: brilliant

Ness said...

Jake! :)
you have been tagged! go to: http://ness.epictales.org/ to see! :)
- Ness

Miss Pickwickian said...

Favorite post. :-)

Aaralyn Allegra said...

*raises hands*
Guilty.