Saturday, June 18, 2011

Politics and Toothy Cows

(Photo taken from WingfeatherSaga.com)

(Inspiration and overall layout of the list taken from here, which was taken from here.  The following list is a simplified version of both.)

FEUDALISM: You have two toothy cows.  You and your lord are eaten after your lord tries to take some milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two toothy cows.  The government takes them and puts them with everyone else's cows.  The toothy cows eat the regular cows.  Then the government sends you in there to take care of them, telling you that they will give you all the milk you need if you do so.  You are eaten.

FASCISM: You have two toothy cows.  The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and then tries to sell them back to you at a low price after their President of Cattle Affairs is eaten.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two toothy cows.  Your neighbors help you stay alive and take care of them, and as a result, you all live.  For a little while.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two toothy cows.  The government makes you take care of them, and then feeds you to the cows.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two toothy cows.  The government takes both, shoots you, and then the President of Cattle Affairs is eaten.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two toothy cows.  Your neighbors decide who gets eaten first.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two toothy cows.  Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets eaten first.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two toothy cows. At first, the government regulates when the toothy cows are fed.  Then it pays you to starve them and thus provoke them into a bloody rage.  Then, it takes both, shoots one (while the other eats the President of Cattle Affairs).  And then they feed you to the remaining cow.  After that, the government charges your family for funeral fees.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two toothy cows.  You manage to sell one (to whoever was foolish enough to buy it), and then set off in search of a toothy bull. 

SURREALISM: You have two bunnies.  The government sends you to search for a peaceful colony of flabbits.


7 comments:

whisper said...

HA!! :D :D A fantastic list! Bureaucracy and Pure Democracy were my especial favorites. If one could even call such savage government forms "favorites." >_>

-whisper

Anonymous said...

I agree with Whisper. Those were hilarious! Thanks for the laughs, Jake!

Noah Arsenault said...

I've seen this list so many times that this was so refreshing and hilarious! Thanks!!

Jake said...

@Whisper
Thank you! Methinks that the forms of government may be called favorites in their literary form. When taken into real life, however, the result is grim.

@Anonymous
Thankee! If you haven't already, the original list is quite the laugh *cough* I mean, enlightening, as well. :)

@Noah
*bows* You are very welcome!

whisper said...

VERY grim. XD

"A peaceful colony of flabbits"? *scoffs* There is no such thing! Bloodthirsty flabbitses. >_>

=whisper

Jake said...

Bloodthirsty indeed. Rather like their relatives, the rabbits.

Which is why that choice is quite grim as well...

Ralyn said...

Very funny! Well done.