Some time ago I laid in silence and
stared up at the ceiling, which I could hardly make out through my
white, sheet-like mosquito net.
Temporarily sleepless nights are no
strangers to me. More than once I've laid awake past midnight while
wrestling over some question, whether it be spiritual, theological,
or having to do with some hitch in my writing. This time it was the
latter.
And I was asking the question, “Can
God really use my fiction writing?”
Honestly, I had hit something of a rut
with Tornado C. I saw where I was, and where I needed to be, but I
couldn't seem to get up the inspiration and drive to get there.
Instead, I found myself working on my Will Vullerman edits, or doing
nothing at all. (When unable to write, I find it much easier to
revise – and procrastination is easier than both.) I didn't want
to work on Tornado C.
These thoughts are common to me, and
probably to you too. Usually I can plow through this problem.
However, there was another factor contributing to my sleepless state
of mind.
That day I had started re-reading one
of my favorite books, one I hadn't picked up for some time; it had
been over a year, in fact, since I had last read it.
And there was a problem. I recognized
some of the same elements in that story that were in my current
novel. Little things here and there were almost identical to some of
the themes and concepts in my own novel. While there was nothing
blatantly plagiaristic – much of my novel was as original as a your
run-of-the-mill swords-and-battles fantasy tale – there were parts
of the novel, especially in theme, that sounded eerily similar to my
own.
This is a problem I've struggled with
since my very first novel. How can I write with originality? I've
read killer plots before, and loved incredible characters; why
couldn't I write the same?
Mentally, this discovery was rather
crushing. If this novel – which has been one of my best ideas yet
– wasn't totally original, how could I ever write something truly
good?
Thus, midnight
found me awake again, my hands folded behind my head and my elbows
splayed out over my pillow, my legs crossed, my eyes staring blankly
into the darkness above the circular plastic rods that held up my
net. Inside, I was wrestling with this problem, looking at it from
every angle and trying to make sense of the mess.
Finally, as what
usually happens, I brought it before God. I laid out all of my
frustration, both at the story and at my own negligence and
procrastination. I let Him have it. Here's what I said, in short:
“Okay, God, I
know you gave me this novel. And this concept. And especially this
theme. But I don't know what to do anymore. The novel is flawed. I
can't convey what I want to – it's not even original. I want to
write this novel for Your glory, but how can I do that? How can you
even use this novel? I'm not even a hundred pages into it, and it's
riddled with problems and holes and characters that don't do what I
want them to. At times, I don't even want to write the story
anymore. Do you really want me to do this? Should I give it up
altogether and work on something that actually seems to work – like
my Will Vullerman stories? How can you even work with such a flawed
story?”
I don't claim to
hear from God. I didn't hear an audible voice; but to my spirit, I
heard Him say, “If I want to use this novel for My glory, what is
it to you? Don't you believe that I can use the most flawed vessel?”
And that answer
left me speechless.
Well?
Did I
believe that God could use Tornado C, despite how flawed it was,
despite how flawed I
was? Didn't I believe in a God who can do anything and everything He
wanted? And if He
wanted to use Tornado C...was I, a fallible mortal, going to stand in
His way?
And eventually, I
answered. And the answer was yes, I did believe that God could use
anyone and anything.
What logically
follows from this, then, is the question: “Then why aren't I
writing my novel like I believe God can use it?”
To
disobey His call to write my novel – to even procrastinate and do
nothing when I know I should be writing – that is a sin. We are to
do everything to His glory; so if we have dedicated something like a
novel to His glory and we don't continue in it, we are
keeping for ourselves the glory that rightfully belongs to God.
I'm writing this to
encourage you, blog reader. If you're writing, and you're stuck, and
you don't know if you can continue on writing this story...just
remember.
Remember
this: that if you have dedicated your novel to God, unless you hear
otherwise from Him, you are to write in that novel and make
it the best it can be. And He
who has started this work will finish it. To do otherwise is to keep
from giving God the glory.
And
write with the knowledge that God is behind it, directing
it, fueling it, and writing it.
And guess what? When God is in charge of things, He can do it so
much better than we can on our own.
Isn't that
incredible? That the God of the universe – He who is infinitely
creative – can create through us? That He can illustrate His own
attributes and give Himself glory through our flawed writings?
That's
a good God! And
that's a good thought, is it not?
Soli Deo gloria.
Glory to God alone!
12 comments:
That was incredable. Thank you very very much, I needed that!
Wow. I admire you, Jake. God really works through you.
Thank you so much for posting this! You have reminded me of something far more important than my human feelings and frustrations. Thank you! :)
Thank you for posting this, Jake! I think this is something many writers struggle with.
Just as God uses flawed people to do great things, He can use flawed books. I know quite a few books that could have been better written, but their messages were really good (like the Door Within trilogy, for example).
Epic explanation, my friend, thanks a lot. I'm stuck with my own novels. I'm procrastinating...
Firstly, thanks for sending me the Will Vullerman story. =) Someday soon I will find the time in my busy schedule to read it...
Secondly, it's amazing how God works through words. We are called to be his hands and feet and his voice also. People thank me for my encouragement or my advice but none of it is mine and it really bugs me when they tell ME thank you. They should be telling God. It's all Him. He speaks through me and he is definitely speaking through you. God speaks through anyone willing to be a vessel for Him but I think that Christian authors are even more vessels because they are writing words... If that makes any sense.
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